...And I did. Sort of. As much as I ever have had "it" together. Livi came home Wednesday night and I was very worried of dealing with the same sort of issues. She still does cough some, but so far no throwing up and she seems to be in a really decent mood and the best part--we are all sleeping at night! Thank you, Lord. We made a few changes to her regimen, but it seems to be helping. Also, if you see us out and about the next three weeks or so she will be wearing her oxygen again. Its just a precaution in case she gets sick again for her pulmonary hypertension. Technically she is breathing just fine now, so don't worry.
Sometimes I have to stop and remember what our life used to be like with Livi--the early years. It was really difficult and we didn't hardly go out in public, but we were happy to have her alive. I have gotten spoiled and this seemingly "backwards" moving lately has really irritated me, not just for her, but honestly because it cramps my style too. How selfish. Perspective is everything and the Lord has been gracious to slap me in the face with that. Quality of life does not solely depend on how easy things are for me: trips to load the car, time it takes to set up her computer and switch, the fact that its been May since I've had a haircut. Those are not the things that make life joyful. I cannot even legitimately find my joy in how Olivia is doing---trust me, I've tried. My joy comes from God who sent his Son to die for me, that I might be given a new heart in this life and an eternal home in heaven in the next. That is the only thing that never, ever changes. So, pull myself by my bootstraps? Nope. Tried a bunch. That does not work. I know I have to look to God to fulfill me and help me cast my anxieties on Him. THEN, and only then do I enjoy the life I have been given.
We are also finding joy in the Lord in the anticipation of our new addition. We went back to the perinatologist yesterday and baby girl is growing everywhere, but her belly is still little. The bloodflow and amniotic fluid and movements all look good. Maybe I just have skinny babies. Don't judge. They are just as cute and cuddly as the fat ones. Come to think of it, it didn't take Livi long to acclamate to her tire-rolled arms. Just now babes #2 got super fiesty and is kicking the crap out of me. Probably 'copping a 'tude: "yea, don't judge."
AND (what, there's more?) just to wet your appetite: Brian and I have a VERY EXCITING thing doing on in our lives right now that we will be happy to tell you all about---next week.