Monday, February 21, 2011

To post or not to post...

So, I know its been a week and half since we posted last. A lot has been going on and I have been contemplating how much to share of whats been going on. So this morning I woke up and decided I'd just share it all. What the heck, its just on the internet, right? First of all I LOVE this picture of Brian and Livi. This is from last week when we went to the cardiologist for just a regular check up. Quite the view, huh?

HELLO Kansas City! You are looking beautiful!

Last Sunday (just a few days before Valentines Day) Brian and I miscarried for the second time. I was really early--just not quite 5 wks. We're still not sure why but my hcg levels were low already by the time I went to see my dr. that Monday. I went back to the lab today to have my levels tested again and are waiting to see what they say/suggest at the dr. The difficult part was that emotionally this miscarriage was so different than the last one. There are a lot of variables that could explain it, but it has been difficult for me because I still have yet to cry about it. Was I disappointed about it? Obviously. Were we sad? Of course. But the sting of losing a child was not the same. Last time I was almost 10 wks, much further along, and had seen the heartbeat and had a sonogram picture. This time all we had were light lines on a pregnancy test. I hope that the difference in emotion was not my being pessimistic and assuming I would miscarry again, but honestly there were a few days when I did feel like that. We would, of course, appreciate prayers moving forward. We're just not sure if we need to be changing our plans for our family (as in number of members) or just to keep trying and being optimistic.

Now, probably for the part some of you have been waiting for. We did have Livi's visit to the neurologist in St. Louis last week. It was helpful and optimistic in some unexpected ways as far as treatment, but about like we expected. We are not currently making any changes to her treatment until the dr. can get the rest of Livi's tests and records from Mercy. She did have some ideas about different medication, which was more optimistic than we had heard. We did talk about the ketogenic diet being a possibility and she was very determined to both treat the seizures and look for a source to Livi's neurological issues. It was an extremely helpful visit and we had a very good time. At the risk of being frustrated about driving 4hrs to see a dr. in the future, we decided to make little family vacations out of the visits. This time on Tuesday night we had dinner with some wonderful friends. After the appointment on Wednesday we spent the afternoon at the zoo just down the street. That was the day it was 70 degrees. Jealous? Brian has some great pictures but they are all on his phone and we have been too lazy to get them on the computer yet. Soon.

So, we will be posting more regularly again. Just needed a little time to work some stuff out. Thanks for being patient. See you soon.


  1. i am so glad you wrote all of this. i'm sorry about the miscarriage...i'm sure your bloodwork will give them answers on what to do to get those levels up. but uck.

    glad livi's appt went well and i do love that picture. so sweet...

  2. Thanks for the update, sweetheart. Your family is always top of mind for me. Love, Jane

  3. so so sorry friend. will definitely be praying for you as you wrestle through it all. praising God for a good appointment for Olivia! you are loved!