Yesterday marked one month since Liv left us. I desperately want to say it was the shortest month and it just seems like yesterday, but it doesn't. Sadly, it seems very far away. One of my biggest fears, I tell Brian often, is I'm afraid I'm going to forget. Forget the small things about Liv, forget what it was like taking care of her, seeing her smile, what she smelled like, how she held her hands. Even now, I feel like they are fading from me. I am frantic to hold onto anything I can.
We have some amazingly talented and gracious friends who volunteered to take pictures of us in our home before Liv passed and again at the funeral service. Those pictures have been put into this beautiful video and given to us as a gift to remember our darling Liv. The song is beautiful. The voice over is Brian's sermon on suffering several weeks back. This video has been instrumental in my grief and in my joy in remembering Liv, how she held her hands, her beautiful eyes that say so much, who was at the funeral, the pain and the joy of that day, and most importantly the promises of God amongst all that.
Also, funny things crop up when someone dies. Most of Liv's stuff we've donated--therapy things and expensive equipment that others can use. I haven't touched her room yet, but have the rubbermaid bins all ready in the middle of the rug. You KNOW they're purple. While I haven't put things away, I was rummaging around in there the other day, thinking of things I wanted to put in Gabs' room. I found Liv's "my first piggy bank" and emptied the contents on the bed. $67. Thats Liv's money. I have thought for two weeks about the appropriate thing to do with this money. Donate it? Brian's suggestion was to "will it" to Gabby. I guess either way I didn't get around to getting her something I should have.
Next post, I am saying with confidence, will solely be about Gabby. In my sad postings you have missed so much: stanky leg crawling, pulling up, and a tooth. What a maniac.