Thats the only thing I can really compare motherhood to. My vantage point may be a little different, but I'll bet almost all mothers feel the same way. I am a mother to a beautiful young 2 yr. old who needs my help like a 5 month old. I don't know how long it will be like that. Maybe forever. But you know what? My mother would tell you she is just as much a mother today as she was twenty years ago. I think that is the scariest and most beautiful thing about motherhood. It just keeps going and going and going. The difference in our house is that mostly the going is in slow motion.
Olivia has accomplished, then lost, then accomplished again a lot of things. She is determined like no one I know. I would have well given up by now if I was her. Thats what I mean by slow motion. I know some day Olivia will move around on her own, whether assisted by some device or not, but that day is not right around the corner. Olivia has to fight so much harder and so much longer. Slow motion. No one is rolling over or sitting up or crawling at any moment. There are weeks and months of work that go in to all of these things. And not just her time and work--mine too. Thats what it is to be her mother. To get up every morning knowing that you'll have to get up a hundred more mornings before you might see a difference in her independence. At first this made me sad. Sad that everything has to always be so hard for both her and me. Now, I have come to appreciate and love our life and the truth that it brings. The small things get celebrated with so much more awe and fanaticism when you've been focusing and trying to accomplish them for such a long time. The smallest changes are the biggest victories.
Being a mother--Olivia's mother--has taught me more about life and God and myself than anything else in the world ever would. There are innumerable things I've learned in the past two years that being someone elses' mother would never have taught me. Small things. Little things. Slow motion things. In a world of convenience and and instant gratification in our family we have to take the long view--because at our house its marathon. Thats what it means to me to be a mother.
By the way, I realize that there are no early pictures of Olivia on the blog. So after I dusted off the stacks and piles (well, they were on the computer) this is what I came up with. I like the oldies. So sue me.